Katie Writes: It's Goin' Down. I'm Yellin' TINDERRRRRR!

                Good morning bloggees, I’m back in the lands of Red and I’m feeling so refreshed and amped up to finish off this school year. Wahoo! I’m writing to you today on the topic of dating and falling in love, but more importantly the love of life, oneself and the fabulosity of alonedom. I have a funny story—erm a saga of stories to tell you as well as a tid bit of inspiration to follow. But first, let me begin with some background information to get you oriented with my heart…bear with me, folks. 

                  It’s been exactly one year since my last relationship ended. It was a relationship that I am very thankful for and that I look back on with extra fond memories and happiness. Since then, I have gotten to know A LOT of guys (in the literal way of course; get your minds out of the gutter, people!!). Nothing has worked out, for various reasons. Often times I gently and un-dramatically let them go because they simply did not measure up to the various standards that I’ve accumulated (faith, personal goals, strong passions, positive outlook on life, health, yadi yadi yadi ya the list goes on). There have been TWO exceptions in the last year where my heart was brutally shattered by gentlemen who I barely even knew. Is that even possible? Ask the woman who keeps my personal crying shoulder, it is. UGH. BOYS. What’re you gonna do? I managed to get through both and somehow, still have the funniest craving for the deliciousity so many of you call love.

                  I was raised in an incredibly stable household with a very functional marriage between my parents that I still look up to. Also, my brother has always treated his girlfriends right...I like to believe that had something to do with having a sister who made him want to be kind to women, or a kick ass mom, or something...Anyway, I never felt like I NEEDED a boyfriend. I’m simply a hopeless romantic, always dreaming about love and falling into it, in turn being a bit boy cray cray. However, I’m very smart with the guys I’ve dated and it’s become easier and easier for me to not put up with any bull shit. Bye bye to unhealthy relationships!

                  Going home for this spring break with zero ties to any boys neither here nor there (nor anywhere), I gave into the recommendation of many people, who shall remain nameless, to download an app. A DATING APP. Oh my lord, I never thought I’d see the day. It’s called Tinder everyone. Let’s just get it out there. I’ve come across about 40 guys I already knew in REAL life so don’t pretend like you don’t know what it is! For those of you though who have not heard about this fantastic source of entertainment, judgment and flirtation all compacted into a tidy little app, it’s rather simple. Created through your Facebook account, (it never posts anything to FB) it takes your first name, age, friend list, interests, and first four profile pictures and makes you a profile. Upon opening the app, you are presented with THOUSANDS of your preferred gender to either X or heart. If you X them, probably because they’re too hairy, own too many kittens or have WAY too many shirtless gym selfies, you never see their profile again and they can never contact you. However, if you heart them, and they heart you, you are notified (make sure to turn OFF sound and push notifications holy bajeebus) that you have a match and you two can share in a glorious conversation about whatever you wish...something along the lines of, “Heey cutie wazzup” or “U R BEAUTIFUL” are pretty typical greetings. WARNING: If you choose to download this app based on the wonderful description I’ve presented, be prepared for vulgar, ill educated, terribly grammar-ed pick up lines. Yikes.

                  On a cold Saturday night in a cabin in Hoquiam, Washington, before fishing the next day, my mother and I decided that my dating life needed some rejuvenation and that we should get me Tinder. So we did. Oh did we ever. We started going through men so quickly, judging them, OMGing at the ridiculousness of their photos etc etc. We hearted many and Xed MANY more. It was hilarious! Some of these guys you would never believe. Anyway, this went on all spring break. Hardly taking this thing seriously, I even let my mom have control over a few conversations. She had some golden replies. Two being, “Hi! I like you!” and “Hello, Greg and welcome to my 12 step program”.  

                  I did not meet any of these guys in person and gave only TWO of them my number (both had graduated ahead of me from Prep. GO PANTHERS). Once I hit 700 matches, (Ehem,  SEVEN HUNDRED men between 5 and 100 miles from my “current location” know that I exist and that I am single) I deleted it, laughed at myself, and went on with my daily life.

                 Why did I do this? Why would I even consider giving up my romantic fantasy of how I’d meet my next boyfriend and replacing it with the most ridiculous announcement to the world that HEY, I’m single and my interests on Facebook are whales, cuddling, and “The Joy of Painting” with Bob Ross! Give me Attention! At a certain point I realized that this is not the way I want to find love. Since I am not interested in one nighters, or in Jim from San Bernardino's words, (he leaves in a week for New York to model for protein powder, get 'em ladies!), "DTF", I don’t want to proclaim myself to 700+ men, hoping that one will want to fall in love with me. By partaking in this dating app, I was going back on the promise I made to myself when I created this year's new years resolutions.

                  After one particularly recent heartbreak, I decided to simply bring in 2014 with loving my family, God, the world, and myself. I was sick of my mood depending on the guys that were or weren’t in my life. I can proudly say that my happiness is no longer rooted in the presence of someone else. Ladies who have not experienced this (probably those who haven't been in love yet, because, how can you love someone else when you haven’t loved yourself first?) PLEASE try it. It is so liberating and wonderful! I constantly find myself loving my alone time. I thoroughly enjoy making inspiration boards, watching prank videos on YouTube, lighting candles, painting my nails, sleeping in (alone), watching Audrey Hepburn movies in the bathtub on Friday nights, turning off my phone, listening to Jack Johnson while running for miles and miles, cooking for one, laughing in the car and clapping to the beat of how outrageously beautiful life is. I finally felt content in myself and after two months, I can tell you, I still do! I feel fearless and confident every single day because I can say that I know myself and I love myself. Two months was all it took, not that I’m stopping; I still get better and better every day.

                  I don’t need to fall in love; not right now. I’m too busy being obsessed with myself, my health, my school, my friends, my major, making the planet healthier, and serving those who are less fortunate than me. HOWEVER, don’t get me wrong. I am still infatuated with love. I am completely head over heels in love with the love I see every day. Unfortunately, I see so many people who are impatient with it, settling for less than they deserve, missing out on themselves and acting bitterly toward lovers who are doing it right.

               Until love finds me, or I find love, or we serendipitously find each other, I decided I will still love love and learn more about it every single day.  After receiving advice from one of my plane-mates on the way to Redlands from Oakland, I was inspired to ask my Facebook and Twitter friends for their best love advice. I’ve been gathering gems of their love knowledge and tweaking them in certain ways to make sense to me and maybe to you too.

                  
                  Let me start with my parents. They’ve had their ups and downs, but they are so great. I see their friendship and their shared passions in life and it’s beautiful. 

When my mom is telling a silly story…or talking about anything really, my dad looks at her in this certain way. His eyes light up as if he were saying to himself, ‘What on earth is my crazy wife talking about now? I don’t care, just keep talking’.  And the way my mom knows EVERYTHING my dad likes. For example, she knows his favorites at the grocery store, and gets them even though 

they aren’t her favorites, or the healthiest. I want a love like that—a bestfriendship. I can’t help but wonder if the guys who treated me so poorly in the past would have done so if they had met my parents, seen their love—If they had looked my daddy in the eye first, or if they talked to my mom about the goals she had in raising me. I’ll never know the answer to that one.

                  I think throughout my life, during the fabulous times in relationships AND the wee hours of the night texting her from my room to come hold me while I cry about love lost, my mom has taught me the best thing of all. God has a plan and what’s meant to be will ALWAYS find its way. How simple? Whenever things go south in relationships, or in general, I always say that phrase to myself. But I’m going to tweak it into this: What’s meant to be will always find its way, but you still have to show up. Sometimes you have to fight for the people in your life and fight for true love. Don’t be afraid to tell someone exactly what you’re thinking or feeling. If they can’t handle that, were they right for you in the first place?

                  This brings me to the next advice I received from my gorgeous friend Jazzy Salter. She was the first to reply to my request for love advice and told me this quote: “That's what I want to find: true love. The kind that you fight for; that you always put first. That makes you want to be good; do better. And not just with any girl; but THE girl. And when I find that, that's all I need. This is from a movie that I just saw a few weeks ago. It's not something I wrote obviously but I thought it was an amazing quote.” 
                    I adore this. My favorite part is that you should choose your lover every day, and be ready to fight for them. Also, your love should always make you better. When someone doesn’t make you better, I believe you should let them go. That’s why it is so important to love yourself first so you can know if and when you’re straying away from being the very best you that you can be.

            

                  Along the lines of choosing your lover, I am brought to my next advisor, my girl crush, Chyna Lee Wesley (http://taichynawesley.blogspot.fr/) She is absolutely stunning and living in Holland with her professional basketball playing hubby...(Chyna, does he have any friends? Just kidding!) Her advice to me was this: “I always remember a quote that I love so much, and it applies to more than just love but it says, ‘choose what you love, and love your choice.’ I just LOVE that! I met my husband and I knew I loved him pretty much after the first 2 seconds haha no but seriously...it was pretty fast! I just said okay this is the ONLY kind of love I wanna feel for the rest of my life, so I chose him and he chose me and we LOVE our choice!” 
                  I adore this and I’m going to apply this not just to romantic love, but to every day life. I want to add onto it a little bit as well. I think choosing love in general is the most important thing in life. Do everything in love. Yeah, I don’t know where that woman sitting outside of Chiptole is going to spend the 5 dollars I gave her on Sunday, but I chose to love her anyway. Even though Theo, the 12 year old raging hormonal preteen who I nanny every day, lies to my face all the time (haha) I choose to love him and make him the BEST snacks regardless. Even though class is at 8am, I love learning and I choose to wake up every morning with love in my heart for that day. Choose love. Always.

            Onto some different sort of advice, the kind that I will cherish and hold right in my heart and CANNOT wait (I can wait) to apply to my future “in love life”:

            My brother and his soon-to-be fiancé (no secrets there) are wonderful and I love their love. My future sister, Brianna Fitz told me when I asked her for her best love advice, “Be honest. Be honest with yourself in figuring out who you are and what you want in a relationship and then be honest with your partner. 2. Forgive and forget the little things that bother you. Forgive the big things, but don't forget them because if you look back and there's a lot of big problems then you should rethink what you're doing in the relationship. Forgetting everything can make you blind. 3. Appreciate the person you love and let them know regularly. Stop and really appreciate the thought that goes into little things like when he or she unloads the dishwasher or buys your favorite tea at the store. It's not all roses and boxes of chocolate and honestly the things that aren't run of the mill and commercialized are more special. 4. Be thoughtful and do it just to make your partner happy, not so that you can brag about it or so that you will get something in return. Relationships require give and take, but not every give needs to result in you taking something. Don't keep score. 5. Aspire to have the kind of relationship of a couple you admire but don't measure your own relationship against theirs. You never really know the whole story or how much hard work has gone into it or how many obstacles have been overcome to get the relationship to where it is. Just because your relationship seems to be a lot of work or isn't progressing how you think it should doesn't mean it won't get to where you want it to be. (That being said, there are bad relationships and there can be warning signs if your relationship seems to be very much unlike other loving relationships) 6. Don't forget to have fun with your partner. Always go on dates or set aside quality time to be with each other, no matter how long you have been together. I read a quotation once that said something like if, throughout your whole relationship, you act like you did at the start of it you won't ever have a problem. And I think that is true in that you should always make the same type of effort that you did at the beginning.”  I have nothing to add to this perfection. Shout out to my brother, Kevin congrats on finding the perfect girl.

            Lastly, I want to not only quote one of my favorite humans ever, Kenna Thibert, but also congratulate her on expecting her first baby!! Kenna, I can’t wait to see how much spirit and love for life that kid has just like you! Let me tell you this people I haven't spent a ton of time with her, but I know for a fact that, Kenna's fiery personality, inner and outer beauty, and wild heart could easily rule the world. 
             Kenna told me this: “I've been in love a total of 4 times and I'd say the best advice I could think of giving is you have no control over who you fall in love with. You also have no control over that person's ability to love.  "Love is blind" and you should never change who are so that someone loves you.”

           

           









          
                 I encourage anyone who is not in love to RELAX! Do what you love, get to know alonedom, learn to love yourself, and of course make the choice to love life every single day. I promise you, if you love life, it’ll love you right back. And maybe, just maybe, after that, we’ll fall in love with someone else too.

Or MAYBE  I  Xed my soulmate whilst Tindering too quickly and will forever live with my mom.

Cheers.

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