We're So Young. We're So Young.

“We're so young. We're so young. We're twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There's this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lie alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out - that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it's too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement.” // Marina Keegan

I haven’t written a blog post since I went to Africa. When I returned from my trip I was still in a colossal daydream. I kept starting almost every sentence I spoke with, “So in Kenya…” comparing and contrasting, trying to allow others to understand; gripping and staring at handwritten letters from 23 angel students and 1 Italian lover; smelling one particular wine cork willing it to smell like it did that one night. I wish I could say that my trip has faded into the back of my mind, but it most certainly has not. I don’t go an hour without thinking about my journey and I desperately wish I was still on that misunderstood, perfectly imperfect continent.

But alas, I am here in Redlands, California and a second semester senior in college. How do I feel? I’ll let you know when I can catch my breath. People keep asking me if I’m ready to graduate, how my experience has been, if I’ll miss Redlands. Yes. Unbelievable. Yes. I am baffled by the changes I have experienced during the past 3.75 years at the University of Redlands. I’m in awe of everything that has happened: the love I’ve felt, the people I’ve lost, the places I’ve gone, and how I’ve become prepared for the next steps in my life. The purpose of this post is to share with you my experiences I’ve personally had with change, but more importantly what in my life has stayed the same.

Change. The kind that sucks the air right from you. 

My very first friend I had at my university is dead. The person whom I thought I might marry now repulses me. The boy I first loved just recently had a baby with the young woman whom he chose over me. The boy who’d never hurt me, cheated on me. I got a puppy. There was a terrorist attack 8 miles away from my campus. There was a terrorist attack 5 miles from my brother’s former campus. That brother is married. My dad had heart surgery. Twice.  I watched a woman leave her infant at an orphanage in Kenya. I fell into love at first sight.

Dear class of 2016, In the past 4 years we have experienced so many changes on our own, good and bad. Every experience without our family’s immediate support is heightened. With every change, a blindfold is randomly ripped off on the sunniest day of the year. We are all growing and changing constantly. Our attitudes switch at the drop of a hat after one Beyonce song. Our opinions on love and sex flip and flop based on the attention we are or are not receiving. We have become tough-skinned, elusive, unfocused, refocused, lost, found, broken...whole. I promise most of you will look back and think, “Those shorts were too short”, “Why did I treat her like that?”, “Cocaine is not cool”.  We deserve a pat on the back, a hug and a giant cup of ever flowing coffee. Isn’t change a funny thing?

Change can be devastating, exhilarating and enchanting. Change has become my favorite thing in the world, because without change, how do we recognize what stays the same? Without change, how will the subject of your photo, your core values, stay detailed and in focus if you don’t open your aperture enough for a blurry background of change and uncertainty? While change is constant and crucial for our development (Yes we are still young and developing. No we don’t have all the answers. Stop drinking so much! Our frontal lobes are important and not fully grown yet!), I want to highlight the things that have stayed the same.

-My relationship with my mother 

-My obsession with my major and my field of study 

-My best friendships 

-My love for love

Everything I am or hope to be, I owe to my mother. She is my favorite human on this Earth. Everything I do is to put a smile on her face. The radiant, intelligent, sensitive, kick-ass, hilarious, faith-filled woman is the first to know about grad school interviews, the boy who texted me good morning, the A I got on that one horrible chemistry test, that I started my period, that Bia got new treats...everything. She is me and I am her and we are pretty much one super human. College has made me appreciate her even more than I already did. We text every single day...pretty much all day, and she’s my best friend on snapchat (lol). One day, I will be a mommy and my mother will be my daily inspiration (except maybe not with those purple spandex shorts she wore to the YMCA throughout the first 6 years of my childhood...come on mom, you know the ones). 

So what’s your major?

Many college students feel lost with their studies, which is totally fine. We major in what our parents majored in or what’s easy or what might make money, OR what we are absolutely in love with. For me, it was always Comm Dis. Communicative Disorders has become my life. I am always in awe of how humans communicate or don’t with the world. With a unique and wholesome education at the communicative disorders department at the UofR alongside the various supplemental involvements I’ve pursued, I’ve cultivated so many of my core life values from this field of study. I believe healthy communication is a human right. I believe in freedom of speech, religion and the right to bear arms as well...but how will you stand up for that if you don’t have a voice? Ok ok, that’s a little much, but seriously. For those of you who have “heard of Comm Dis but don’t know what it involves” here’s a quick and dirty rundown:

Communicative Disorders is the study of everything speech, swallowing, language and hearing pathology/therapy. From prematurely born infants with feeding disorders to toddlers with neurological developmental delays to the 8-year-old with a stutter to the 13-year-old boy who has autism, to the 15-year-old young woman who has Down syndrome, to the 25-year-old man with cerebral palsy to the 30-year-old woman who has a traumatic brain injury to the 50-year-old stroke victim who lost her language to the 90-year-old with Alzheimer’s. This field is EXTREMELY vast. It includes exciting research and science, exhilarating technology, interpersonal skills, custom clinical care, creativity and familial support. I could rant on and on about it forever. Undecided? Major in Comm Dis! Just kidding. But not.

This competitive field has been the backbone of my education throughout all of college. I applied to the dear ole UofR because they had the program! I’m currently an applicant for 13 graduate schools. Holy. I don’t know where the future will take me. New York? Nashville? Seattle? Back to Africa? All I can tell you is that this field is my life and I feel so blessed every day that I know exactly what I want to do with my life and that I’m on the path to getting there. My fellow classmates, My hope is that you have found something that you are wildly passionate about studying. If you don't know what to do after college, that's fine! But I hope our liberal arts education has served its purpose in allowing you to cultivate a unique and well-rounded education that will eventually inspire you to do something wonderful. I hope you went to class, and I hope you thanked your professors.

My experience in Kenya has complimented my appreciation for education. In Kenya, if a classroom was occupied, or unable to use for some reason? "Problem nothing". A whiteboard will be brought outside and students will sit around and learn with a purpose while chickens meander behind them and the sun or rain beat down on their uniform sweaters. Education is the beginning of everything. and it's endless. Our brains are magic. Who else is completely thrilled with the capability of being a lifelong learner? This is why I don't text in class. This photo right here is why it can wait.

Ok ladies now let’s get in formation:

Sophia, Marisa, Camille, Alex, Kathryn, Mckenzie, Colie...you ladies are life. I’ve known Marisa know for 20 years now, Camille for 15, Sophia for 14, Alex for 8, Kat & Mckenzie for 4 and Colie for 3. Let me tell you about what I’ve learned about best friendship. Best friendship is not speaking for 3 years and then grabbing a drink, not missing a beat in conversation. Best friendship is devouring sushi then running into Nordstrom together to buy a leotard for your man (you’re welcome, man/you weren’t the first to see me in that).  It’s sitting on the couch drinking wine from your roommates’ “crystal wine glasses that were a wedding present please don’t use them” and watching 50 Shades of Grey. It’s walking around Ted Runner Stadium crying over those we’ve lost. It’s burping me at the bar (the right way). It’s leaving your first college party early to watch A Little Princess in a tiny dorm room bed. It’s girl scout cookie conversations and waiting for me when I had the runs in Office Depot. It’s NYE three years in a row, “Happy Mother’s Day Freck”. These best friends carry us through our years of alonedom. You are my queens.

True friendships do not change. Time, location, nor growth can change these bonds. These sisterhoods are golden and they become so rare as we get older. They are the real friendships that could never be compromised by men, drama or anything because they’re so far beyond that. These are key. Thank you ladies for being the ones.

We were created in love

Now love. Hehe my favorite topic ever. Now people, I’ve been cheated on, cheated with (without knowing), dumped, left, ignored, stood up, played, lied to, stood up again, and again and again and oh glory me it’s been a roller coaster! Anything else wrong a man can do, it’s happened to me ha ha. I’ve watched beautiful marriages end and ugly marriages begin. I watch people rush into love and rush out. I’ve seen people use facebook posts to seek social validation for pregnancy and questionable (yet legal) unions. I watch mediocre love, daily with the couple who lives in the house I rent. By the way, Is marriage really just finding someone to split the rent with and who will answer your every beck and call? Someone to do half the dishes? Anyway, none of this has changed my opinion of love. None of it has scarred or scared me into never trying again. If anything, all of the bad will highlight the good when he comes into my life.

I take love seriously. I am the most loyal woman I can possibly be. Maybe I put myself out there too often or I make a fool out of myself  sometimes, but I’ve never regretted opening up my heart and telling someone how I feel.  One day a man will appreciate me for being this way. 
I have a sneaky feeling that love is on it's way. To be honest, this belief lies in my theory that you cannot truly love someone until you love yourself...all the damn way...and folks, I’m just about there! I also believe that God has an extremely special man whom he’ll send at the right time. I am firm in that faith. And if you don’t believe in God, the universe has someone for you too. If my future hubby is reading this, know that I write to you often, pray for you, and I cannot wait to fall in love with you.

In order to reach my destination of love, I have to keep falling in love with myself first. Then I can be all that I am and more for my partner. And what better way to do that than accept the array of changes and challenges that my life has to offer?

Seniors, as we finish our last few months of college, let’s embrace all of the change that has happened, put the Coors Lite down, and reflect on how those changes have solidified our core values. If you slough off your greek letters, GPA, jersey, and ego, we’re just people trying to make it through.  How thrilling is it that as humans, changes we have absolutely no control over can affect our souls? How exciting is it to taste some icky so we can learn about yummy?